From Bar Bravado to Stoic Fortitude

Does this sound familiar? We’ve all been there, caught in that moment when our “manliness” seems measured by our ability to down drinks and brag about our liquid conquests. “Oh, I had ten tequilas last night!” becomes a badge of honour worn with pride and a throbbing headache.

A thought that might knock you off your barstool: True grit isn’t measured in pints, and authentic masculinity has bugger all to do with how well you can hold your liquor. Having the stones to stay sober when everyone’s pressuring you to drink? That’s proper strength. It takes more courage to order sparkling water than to down another shot.

As Marcus Aurelius put it: “The closer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength”. Keeping a level head might be the manliest thing you can do.

The Illusion of Liquid Courage and Toxic Masculinity

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room — that big, boozy elephant called toxic masculinity in drinking culture. You’ve seen it, haven’t you? Men compete to down the most shots, bragging about their alcohol tolerance and using “I was so wasted” stories as badges of honour. It’s like some bizarre drinking Olympics. This whole scene is built on a shaky foundation of toxic masculinity and misguided notions of strength.

This narrow view of masculinity is like a straightjacket for the modern man. It tells us that to be a “real man”, we need to drink hard, party harder, and never show weakness. But let’s cut the bullshit — that’s about as far from true strength as you can get.

Seneca, another one of our wise friends, had some choice words about this boozy bravado. He reckoned that “continued bouts of drunkenness bestialise the soul”. In other words, getting plastered doesn’t make you more of a man — it turns you into something less human.

And it’s not just about looking like a fool. That “liquid courage” we’re so fond of? It’s more like liquid cowardice. We use it to dodge our real fears and insecurities. It’s dead easy to be “brave” when you’re wasted? But true courage? That comes from facing life head-on, stone-cold sober.

Seneca also pointed out that “drunkenness kindles and discloses every kind of vice”. It’s like alcohol is a cheat code that unlocks all our worst traits. That’s not strength — that’s weakness on full display.

This toxic drinking culture isn’t just harmful to others; it’s eating us alive from the inside. It’s like we’re all trying to prove our manhood by pickling our livers. But true strength, true masculinity, isn’t about how much you can drink without passing out.

Take Alexander the Great, for example. He conquered half the known world, but guess what finally did him in? Not some epic battle or cunning enemy — it was his love for the bottle. All that greatness was undone by a few too many drinks. If that doesn’t make you think twice about equating booze with bravery, I don’t know what will.

Let’s redefine what it means to be strong. It’s not about fitting into some impossible mould of the “alpha male” or proving ourselves through drinking feats. True strength lies elsewhere, and that’s what we’ll explore next.

The Courage to Change

Changing your relationship with alcohol isn’t a walk in the park. It’s more like climbing Everest in flip-flops. But that’s where true strength lies. Marcus Aurelius knew a thing or two about this. He said our rational nature moves freely forward when it “limits its desires and aversions only to what’s in its own power”. Real power comes from controlling what you can — like saying no to that next pint.

You might be thinking, “But what about my friends? They’ll think I’m boring if I don’t drink.”. Here’s where we can take a page from Epictetus’s book. He tells us to focus on what we can actually control. Your friends’ opinions? Not your department. Your choices? That’s all you. Epictetus puts it like this: “The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.” Next time you’re feeling the heat, take a breather. Ask yourself: “Am I gonna let someone else’s potential judgment run the show?” Remember, true freedom isn’t about caving to peer pressure — it’s about making choices that align with your values. As Epictetus says, it’s about “tranquillity, fearlessness, and freedom”.

Building Real Strength

Forget bicep curls and protein shakes. We’re about to hit the gym of the mind. This workout plan isn’t about building muscles that bulge through your t-shirt — it’s about developing the kind of strength that radiates from within, the kind that doesn’t fade when life throws you a curveball (or a round of tequila shots).

Let’s break down what true strength looks like through a Stoic lens:

1. Emotional Resilience: This isn’t about suppressing your feelings — it’s about understanding them and not letting them control you. Imagine you’re at a party, and someone offers you a drink. Instead of immediately accepting or feeling anxious, take a moment to understand your emotions. Are you tempted? Nervous? Excited? Recognise these feelings without judgment, then make your decision based on your values, not your impulses.
   Exercise: Next time you feel a strong emotion, especially about drinking, pause for 10 seconds. Name the emotion, accept it, and then choose your response.
2. Self-Control: This is your superpower. It’s about mastering your impulses, not being a slave to them. You’re out with friends, and they’re all ordering beers. The old you would have joined in without thinking. The new Stoic, you? You calmly order sparkling water, knowing that true strength comes from aligning your actions with your values.
   Exercise: Set a small, achievable goal for self-control each day. Maybe it’s saying no to that extra slice of cake or choosing to meditate for 5 minutes instead of scrolling social media.
3. Wisdom: This isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about asking the right questions and being open to learning. It’s understanding that every situation, even challenging ones, offers growth opportunities. That hangover? It’s not just punishment — it’s a lesson about the consequences of our choices.
   Exercise: At the end of each day, ask yourself: “What did I learn today? How can I do better tomorrow?” Write down your answers.
4. Courage: We’re talking about the guts to stand up for what’s right, even when it’s hard. It’s about facing your fears and doing it anyway. Imagine being the only sober person at a party. It takes courage to own that decision, to dance like no one’s watching (even though everyone definitely is), and to enjoy yourself without liquid courage genuinely.
   Exercise: Do one thing each day that scares you. It could be as simple as making eye contact with a stranger or as challenging as having a difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding.
5. Integrity: This is about walking the talk. It’s not enough to know what’s right; you’ve got to do what’s right. It’s easy to say you’re cutting back on drinking — it’s another thing entirely to turn down a drink when everyone around you is indulging.
   Exercise: Make a promise to yourself each morning, no matter how small. Keep it, no matter what.

Building this kind of strength isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a daily practice, like hitting the gym for your mind and soul. It might not get you admiring glances at the beach, but it’ll earn you something far more valuable — self-respect and inner peace.

True strength isn’t about dominating others or proving yourself in some macho contest. It’s about mastering yourself. It’s about being a man who doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone because he knows his worth.

The Real Measure of a Man

We’ve come full circle. From bar bravado to Stoic strength, we’ve redefined what it means to be a real man. It’s not about how many pints you can down or how much you can bench press. It’s about the strength of your character, the resilience of your mind, and the wisdom of your choices.

It’s about mastering yourself. As Marcus Aurelius reminds us, “The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”. That kind of strength doesn’t fade with age or disappear when the going gets tough.

Stoicism isn’t just a philosophy to read about — it’s a way of life to practice daily. It’s about proving your words through your deeds.

Here’s your challenge: Start your Stoic strength training today. Reflect on your day each evening, like Seneca did. Ask yourself: “How did I handle challenges today? Where can I improve tomorrow?”

This journey isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. As Epictetus taught, it’s about understanding our desires and aversions, acting deliberately for good reasons, and improving our judgment. It’s about accepting what’s true, working for the common good, aligning our wants with what’s in our control, and embracing what nature has in store for us.

So, are you ready to redefine your strength? To be the kind of man who doesn’t need liquid courage because he’s tapped into something far more powerful — his inner resolve? Trust me, mate, the world needs more men like that.

Let’s raise a glass (of water, perhaps?) to real strength, to Stoic masculinity, and to the journey ahead. Cheers to becoming the men we’re meant to be — one day, one choice, one Stoic principle at a time.