Kindness - Deeds Over Dogma

Picture this: I’m on my morning dog walk earbuds in listening to my favourite podcast. The host is chatting about morality and drops this bombshell: “Without religion how can anyone truly know right from wrong?” I nearly choke on my coffee. As if morality comes with a user manual!

The host continues their voice dripping with certainty “Without a higher power aren’t people just doing whatever feels good?” I can’t help but think. “Whatever feels good?” Been there done that got the AA chips to prove it.

I pause the podcast frantically take notes for this post. There was a time when I did ‘whatever felt good’. It led me straight into the arms of alcoholism. Turns out my moral compass was less ‘True North’ and more ‘Happy Hour’.

As I’ve stumbled through life meeting all sorts of characters I’ve recently come to a bit of an epiphany. I don’t give two hoots about someone’s religion but I do care about how they treat the person next door.

Think about it. Would you rather have a neighbour who goes to church every Sunday but nicks your newspaper or one who’s never set foot in a place of worship but always offers to water your plants when you’re away? It’s a no-brainer right?

The Stoic Approach: Virtue Over Dogma

Let’s get a bit philosophical for a moment. The Stoics those ancient wise guys they were onto something. They reckoned virtue was the only true good. Not your beliefs not your social status not even how many followers you’ve got on Instagram. Just good old-fashioned virtue.

The Stoics weren’t just talking about one type of virtue either. They wrote about four cardinal virtues: temperance (self-control) justice courage and wisdom. It’s like a superhero team of good behaviour. You’ve got self-control stopping you from taking that last biscuit (cookie for my US readers) justice making sure you’re fair to everyone (even that annoying neighbour) courage helping you face your fears (like public speaking or spiders) and wisdom guiding you to make smart choices.

Musonius Rufus a lesser-known but equally brilliant Stoic emphasised that philosophy doesn’t consist in outward display but in mindful action. He believed that habit was more effective than theory in developing virtue. In other words it’s not about spouting clever quotes or winning debates; it’s about consistently doing the right thing day in and day out.

Marcus Aurelius everyone’s favourite philosopher-emperor put it this way: “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one”. It’s a slap in the face to those of us who spend more time debating morality than actually being moral. You’re better off making an amazing salad than lecturing about vitamins.

This reminds me of how AA operates. They’ve got this brilliant concept called “carrying the message”. It’s not about plastering billboards or interrupting your favourite telly program with adverts. Nah it’s much more subtle and effective than that. They’re there when someone reaches out a helping hand in the darkness. It’s all word of mouth like finding out about the best pub in town (ironic I know).

Think about it. When was the last time you saw an AA advert? Exactly. They’re not out there trying to convince every Tom Dick and Harry to join up. They’re just… there. Ready and waiting. It’s a bit like being the designated driver at a party. You’re not lecturing anyone about the evils of drink you’re just quietly making sure everyone gets home safe.

The Stoics would approve of this approach. It’s about walking the walk not just talking the talk. As Seneca said “Many words have been spoken by Plato Zeno Chrysippus Posidonius and by a whole host of equally excellent Stoics. I’ll tell you how people can prove their words to be their own — by putting into practice what they’ve been preaching.”

The Takeaway: Be Kind, Be You

I don’t care if you believe in God gods or garden gnomes. What I care about is how you treat people. Are you kind? Are you fair? Do you help old ladies across the street and rescue kittens from trees? That’s what matters.

Marcus Aurelius offers some wisdom here too. He suggests we consider our own failings when judging others. It’s a humbling thought isn’t it? Before we start pointing fingers maybe we should take a good hard look at ourselves.

Let’s make a pact you and me. Let’s agree to disagree on the big cosmic questions but let’s also agree to be decent human beings. Because at the end of the day that’s what really counts.

And if you’re struggling with sobriety remember: it’s not about what you believe it’s about what you do. One day at a time one kind act at a time. That’s the path to a better you and a better world.

So what do you say? Shall we go out there and be kind regardless of what we believe? I reckon that’s a philosophy we can all get behind. As Epictetus taught let’s align our impulses with the common good. After all actions speak louder than words and deeds trump dogma every time.

Now go forth and be awesome. The world’s waiting for your kindness.