When Everything Feels Too Heavy: A Raw Look at Losing Your Way

Right. So here’s another empty bottle staring at me. My hands are doing their morning dance routine while trying to write this. Not because I’m having some profound philosophical breakthrough, mind you. Just good old withdrawal saying hello. The Stoics suggested writing helps with personal clarity — though I doubt this is what Marcus had in mind.

(Fun fact: trying to write while shaking makes your journal look like it’s written in ancient hieroglyphics. Very philosophical.)

LESS IS MORE (EXCEPT WITH DRINKS)

They say we should organize our thoughts along three disciplines: Perception, Action and Will. Currently, my perception is fuzzy, my actions are questionable, and my will power has gone on holiday without leaving a forwarding address.

The thing about trying to be philosophical while battling the bottle is that it requires actual thinking. And thinking, as it turns out, becomes remarkably difficult when your brain feels like it’s been replaced with cotton wool soaked in last night’s wine.

THE SHIP OF SOBRIETY

You’re supposed to write down what contributes to your happiness and what detracts from it. Well, mate, I can tell you exactly what’s detracting from mine — it comes in bottles and makes me think I can dance.

My carefully constructed habits have gone the way of my liver — which is to say, completely shot. Those precious morning hours once reserved for meditation? Now they’re dedicated to Advanced Hangover Management and Olympic-level self-loathing.

PROGRESS REPORT

Speaking of progress (or lack thereof), the ancients were big on proving words through actions. Currently, my actions are proving I’m brilliant at making excuses and terrible at following through. “Just one drink” has become my personal version of “just one more episode” — a lie we tell ourselves knowing full well we’re going to binge the entire series.

Every evening brings an opportunity for review. A chance to look back and assess what could be improved. In my case, that list is getting longer than the bar tab I’m trying to forget.

SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT CENTURY

The Stoics wanted their philosophy to be as functional and to the point as possible. So here’s my functional point: I keep messing up. But what matters isn’t how we got here — what matters is how we’re going to deal with this situation right in front of us.

(Though I suspect when they talked about dealing with situations, they weren’t specifically thinking about dealing with hangovers.)

WRITING IT DOWN

They say we should be both scholars and soldiers in the good fight. Right now, I’m more like a defeated army nursing its wounds. But here’s the thing about keeping a journal — it forces you to be unflinching in your assessments.

Today’s assessment:
- Morning promises made: Countless
- Morning promises kept: Error 404 not found
- Philosophical insights gained: Mostly about why kebab shops should be open 24/7
- Empty bottles hidden from my girlfriend: No comment

THE WAY FORWARD

Whatever you’re going through, there’s supposedly wisdom from the Stoics that can help. I’m going through several bottles of “drink” per week, so I’m really putting that theory to the test.

But maybe — and I’m just spitballing here — maybe it’s time to actually do something different. To move forward, move onward. Because while I’ve become quite the connoisseur of hangover cures, that’s probably not the expertise the philosophers had in mind.

For those walking similar paths (stumbling, really — let’s be honest), remember this: situations rarely match our clean, simple theories about how we should behave. Recovery isn’t a straight line. It’s more like my handwriting right now — shaky, uncertain, but still trying to make sense.

Tomorrow, I’ll probably read this and cringe. But that’s the point of writing it down — it serves as both practice and reflection. Even if the reflection currently shows someone who looks like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

So here’s to another attempt. Another day of trying to align actions with words. Another chance to prove that maybe, just maybe, we can handle ourselves and our actions in this world a bit better.

And if not? Well, there’s always tomorrow’s journal entry.